Not So Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 6
by Master Porky Minch
Summary: Happy St. Patrick's Day. If you give a scientist a bit of scotch... Not one green beer today, and yet I'm freaking wasted to have published this.


Not so Good Absolutely Safe Capsule 6

Disclaimer: You know damn well.

Begin!

It was March the 17, in God knows what year, and that day was when Nowhere Island celebrated St. Patrick's Day, or as some people would like to call it, Green Beer Day. And that was just the holiday that Dr Andonuts, scientist extraordinaire from the year 199X, as he sat at the tavern that nobody really went to in the basement of Empire Pork Building. He sat at the booth by himself, boozing away any trouble his immature, obese, destruction-loving fat ass of a king strapped on his shoulders. Before the genius went down there, he repeatedly reminded himself, "Only 1 or 2." But there he sat, with 10 empty bottles of whiskey on the table, laughing drunkenly and hiccupping.

Now, Porky needed something important from the doctor, so he had sent his Pork Trooper 093 to get him, for he had to deal with important business (or so he claimed, but the real reason was he was just too damn lazy). He found the doctor in the bar, just as Porky said he would, but he became slightly dismayed when he figured out that the 'nerd', as Porky would call him behind his back, was intoxicated beyond anything the Pig King would have allowed. From what Porky says, he already had to deal with a drunk when he was growing up, and he didn't really want yet another Aloysius Minch in his already complicated life. The Pork Trooper went to Andonuts and said, "Um… hey, his highness would like to have a word with you."

"Oh… does it have to do with the fact that I was the one that broke his Time Traveling Machine? If it is, you can tell him that I said, 'he can kiss my ass and burn in Hell.' OK?" Pork Trooper 093 tensed up a bit. From what he knew, King P. had absolutely no knowledge that the time machine was destroyed, and nobody really did, but he guessed that explained why Porky couldn't find it where he remembered last putting it. Now that he had this knowledge, he had to tell Porky about it, but what would he do to the doctor once he found out?

"N-n-not at all, doctor. Porky simply wants to see you."

XXX

"What?! You broke my one and only Time Traveling Machine?!" Porky screamed at the doctor, going into a bad coughing fit afterwards. The Pork Trooper had told his highness what Andonuts told him before he hastily ran out of the Throne Room.

Andonuts simply stumbled around a bit and replied, "Ah, you can take yer God damn piece o' shit, and *burp*… Ehehehehehe…"

Porky froze, and leaned back in his throne. He sat there and tapped his fingers together, until getting up and taking a whiff of Andonuts. "*sniff, sniff*… Dr. Andonuts, have you been drinking?" Andonuts only laughed like an idiot to answer him, and Porky returned to his throne, shaking his head. "Fucking St. Patrick's Day… OK, anyways, I want you to build me a capsule that can protect me from anything. I want you to make sure that should Divine Judgment wait a second longer, I'll be in there until the end of time, understand?"

"...OK, so you want some kind of machine that looks like a cube?"

"Yes- wait, what? No! I want a _capsule_!"

"…Alright, your immense fag, ahahahaha…"

"…Hm… oh, yeah. Also, after you're done with that, build me a new Time Machine!"

XXX

"Lucas, you haven't won, just so you know." Porky rasped as he pressed a button, and when the machine descended to the ground, Lucas and co.'s eyes widened. "I will just duck into my Absolutely Safe Capsule for the time being. While I'm in there, no attack whatsoever can- OH MY GOODNESS!" he shouted as he finally took a good look at the design Andonuts had given the 'capsule'. It turns out that Andonuts, in his intoxication, thought that Porky wanted the capsule to look like a cube. "ANDONUTS!" he shouted as loud as he could.

"…Well, my brother Claus and I were home-schooled, but there is no way in Hell that that Absolutely Safe Cube is a capsule." Lucas had said. His companions nodded in agreement.

"But, but I told him not to make it into the shape of a c-cube." Porky began to stutter like Porky Pig from Loony Tunes. "I told him that it *Porky Pig stutter* better look like a capsule, how could he have… ah, screw this!" he shouted as he, with some unknown strength, got out of his Spider-Mech, picked up the cube, and hurled it as far as he could. He threw it with such force that it somehow made its way to where the Masked Man was searching for the Needle, instantly squashing and killing him. Porky and Lucas and co., now accompanied by Flint, ran to the cube, and froze as they saw red blood seeping from the bottom of the cube. "…Oops."

P.M: …Now, I know some of you are possibly getting sick of the fact that in my last 3 installments, I kept picking on the Masked Man-

Masked Man: Yeah, there will be a lot of my fan girls wanting to cut your head off for making me the victim of all of this stupidity in these, and honestly, I can't blame them.

P.M: Yes, yes, I know. Now, I know that there will be some of you who might actually have some good ideas for me in the future, and honestly, I'm willing to let any suggestions come to mind, but if you're just one of those people who like to flame people just for the Hell of trying to make them kill themselves (I don't need to be reminded of the one incident on YouTube), please don't bother to review.

Masked Man: …Somebody wanted you to kill yourself on YouTube?

P.M: Shut up!

Q: If I could chose to permanently get rid of one holiday, I would honestly choose Green Beer Day. Now, I know that it was started up because St. Patrick taught the Irelands about the Blessed Trinity, but honestly, there's really just no point to the holiday anymore. It's been reduced to a day where you can get a hundred pinches just because you didn't wear green (happened to me 2013), and retarded stories about a midget ginger hiding his pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow. If you have a holiday that you wouldn't mind getting rid of, tell me that day, and why.


End file.
